Unexpected Propositions

My friend, Rick Cunningham, recently confessed of his delayed naiveté related to an unexpected pickup—a proposition—which went unnoticed by him for nearly thirty minutes at a Michigan Home Depot.

Rick had been slowly chopping down small trees on land fronting a cabin on Half Moon Lake that he and his wife, Mary, just purchased. He was cutting with a chain saw on life support and three large trees still needed attention. If the job was to be completed in his lifetime, he had to buy a new saw. So he stopped work and headed for the store.

While walking toward the chain saw section in a deserted Home Depot aisle, a heavy-set woman in her late fifties, wearing tight jeans and a t-shirt, smiled at him as they passed and sweetly said, “Hello.”

My friend, Rick Cunningham, and me

“Just a very friendly lady,” Rick thought.

Seven minutes later, while fondling a mean-looking chain saw, the lady reappeared and said provocatively, “Nice piece of equipment.”

“Yes, I like it,” Rick replied.

“Now you be sure to wear protection when you use that kind of equipment.”

“Oh, I will,” Rick replied.

“You know” she said, “I’ve been divorced for eighteen years and I could use that equipment to trim the bushes at my house.”

Rick smiled, wished her the best and went about determining the pros and cons of each power saw. After much deliberation, he made his decision, paid for a new saw and walked it proudly to his car. Not until he was putting it gently down in his trunk, did it hit him. He had just been hit on—an unexpected proposition at, of all places, Home Depot.

By the way, Rick and Mary Cunningham were neighbors when my wife, Helen, and I lived on Llewellyn Court in Wyoming, Michigan. Along with next door neighbors, Rich and Sue Lamos, the six of us have partied hearty for over twenty years, often referring to ourselves as The Three Dicks & their Dames from the Hood. The chemistry really works for this special group of six fun-loving people whether it is in Michigan, the Caribbean or Colorado. And we are planning a reunion in Healdsburg, California in October 2013.

I should add that the irony of Rick’s pickup story is that he is a man’s man and a devoted husband and father. Yes, twenty-five years ago he would mow his lawn mouthing a good stiff cigar while wearing a Speedo, but that is another story.

Rick shared his slow reaction time proposition while we were enjoying a day together with the Dicks & Dames at the Cunningham’s cabin on August 26, 2012. But not to be outdone, here’s my confession:

Many years ago, Helen and I, along with two other couples, were slowly walking our way up the walkway to Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas, Nevada. A large Lincoln Continental slowly pulled next to me and as the passenger-side window was slowly rolling down, I noticed a well-dressed older woman at the wheel. Then she motioned for me to come to the open window.

When I reached hearing distance, she politely asked, “Would you like a blow job?”

My response of “Excuse me,” was barely out of my mouth when I realized what she was suggesting.

Again she asked, but this time it was much louder. “Would you like a blow job?”

And damned if I didn’t respond with a courteous, “No thank you.”

The three Dicks and their Dames at Rick & Mary Cunningham’s cottage on
Half Moon Lake in August 2012

Rick & Mary Cunningham and their two daughters, Elaine & Claire

Sue & Rich Lamos, with Sue about to put a tomato cream pie into Rich’s unsuspecting face

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