Richard E Kelly

Over fifty years ago, my grandfather shared some words of wisdom that are as relevant today as they were when I first heard them. And they were, “Dickie, you’ve got to read and reread Mark Twain’s ‘Corn-pone Opinions’ until you got it down pat.” This was a short, 1901 essay which I will paraphrase as follows:

As a boy of fifteen, Samuel Clemens had an acquaintance he was very fond of – a delightful young black man named Jerry – a slave – who had the daily habit of preaching sermons from the top of his master’s woodpile. He imitated the pulpit style of the clergymen of his day, and did it well. One of Jerry’s favorite texts was, “You tell me whar a man gits his corn pone, en I’ll tell what his ‘pinions is.”

It seems that the black philosopher’s idea was that a man is not independent, and cannot afford views which might interfere with his bread and butter. If he was to prosper, he had to train with the majority; in matters like politics and religion, he had to think and feel with the bulk of his neighbors, or suffer damage in his social standing. In other words, he had to restrict himself to corn-pone opinions – at least on the surface. He must get his opinions from other people; he must reason out none for himself; he must have no first-hand views.

Mark Twain thought Jerry was right, in the main, but he did not go far enough. It was Twain’s belief that a man conforms to the majority view of his locality by calculation and intention; that a coldly-thought-out and independent verdict upon a fashion in clothes, or manners, or literature, or politics, or religion is a most rare thing – if indeed it ever existed. Basic human instinct moved one to conformity. It is man’s nature to conform; it is a force which not many can successfully resist. The cause is the inborn requirement of self-approval. And its source is the approval of other people.

We get our notions and habits and opinions from outside influences; we don’t study them. We are creatures of outside influences; as a rule we do not think, we only imitate.

The outside influences are always pouring in upon us, and we are always obeying their orders and accepting their verdicts. Morals, religions, politics, get their following from surrounding influences and atmospheres, almost entirely; not from study, not from thinking.

Why are Catholics, Catholics; Baptists, Baptists; Jehovah’s Witnesses, Jehovah’s Witnesses; Republicans, Republicans; and Democrats, Democrats? Mark Twain believed it is a matter of association and sympathy, not reasoning and examination, that hardly a man in the world has an opinion upon religion or politics which he got otherwise than through his associations and sympathies. Broadly speaking, there is nothing but corn-pone opinions. And broadly speaking, corn-pone stands for self-approval.

Men think they think upon great political questions, and they do; but they think with their party, not independently. They arrive at convictions, but they are drawn from a partial view of the matter in hand which is of no particular value.

We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking. Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it’s the Voice of God.

Now I don’t know if my awareness of corn-pone opinions is why I have no religious affiliation or why I can’t join a political party. But I’m not ashamed to admit that a lot of what I believe, I learned from Mark Twain. Like he said, “The trouble with the world is not that people know so little, but that they know so many things that ain’t so.”

Earlier this year, my publisher, Mike White, recommended that I meet Craig Bieber, as he thought we had a lot in common. While the subject venue of our first books is very different, Mike thought we might be able to help each other in marketing them.

I first met Craig at Frank’s, a breakfast dive to die for in the heart of Tucson. We ordered Mexican omelets, talked, licked our plates clean, and exchanged books. Craig seemed like a nice enough guy, but could he write? I had met several people during the past year that passed themselves off as writers. Unfortunately, many of them could not walk the talk.

In case you’re curious, my Amazon review in March, 2008, of Craig’s first book is as follows: “I just moments ago completed reading Craig Bieber’s fast-moving thriller, Saylor’s Triangle. And, I am still out of breath. The book is well-written, difficult to put down once you get started, and filled with non-stop, no-holds-barred action. However, be prepared to be tantalized and surprised by the unexpected. Bieber is a great story teller. For anyone who enjoys a good, exciting mystery, this book is a must read.”

One of the most interesting reviews that I received on my book, Growing Up in Mama’s Club, was posted by Amanda Richards, who is included in an elite group of Amazon’s top reviewers. Her post reads as follows:

Who can it be knocking at my door?
Go ‘way, don’t come ’round here no more.
Can’t you see that it’s late at night?
I’m very tired, and I’m not feeling right.
All I wish is to be alone;
Stay away, don’t you invade my home.”

(Lyrics by Men At Work)

“Easily recognizable by their tracts and immaculate appearance, Jehovah’s Witnesses have been going door to door for decades, spreading religious dogma, doing their bit to share their interpretation of the bible, and looking for converts.

“For obvious reasons this isn’t the easiest task in the world, and when you consider that this is all done on a voluntary basis, ( in the sense that you don’t get paid) it becomes even more remarkable that people would be motivated to rise to the challenge.

“To quote British comedian Tommy Cooper:

“The recruitment consultant asked me ‘What do you think of voluntary work?’ I said ‘I wouldn’t do it if you paid me.’ ”

“This book offers insights into ‘The Club’ through the eyes of a young man whose mother fully embraced JW doctrine, and found the spiritual guidance that she was desperately seeking at that time of her life. Naturally, his mother expected her family to join her on the path to eternal life in a New World, and despite early resistance, she succeeded in converting her husband, and together they set the rules for their children.

“Young Dickie was an unwilling participant, quickly concluding that something seemed wrong with some of the rules and beliefs, which would sometimes change drastically depending on the Club president at the time. Mainly to please his mother, he remained with the Club for sixteen years, abiding by the strange rules for the most part, participating in the long and frequent Club meetings at the Kingdom Hall and performing his door-to-door duties. At the same time he found himself leading a double life, as he never fully embraced the teachings of the Club and wished to lead a more normal life.

“Despite having his parents’ religious beliefs forced upon him, he managed to make the best of it, becoming an accomplished public speaker and perfecting his interpersonal skills. He also formed his own opinions on ‘the truth’ as preached by Club members, and observed how some rules seemed not to apply to the upper levels of the hierarchy.

“From this book, the reader will have a better understanding of this controversial religious group, the administrative structure and its influence over its members. Well written, easy to read, humorous in places and shocking in others, anyone considering joining JW or any similar group should read this before making a final decision.”